When Travis was born the thought of him growing up graduating high school, going to college, and starting his own life away from me was a lifetime away. Here I sit halfway through his senior year, and I find myself panicking. some days I describe the feeling like almost a loss of someone. I know in my heart this is what he has been busting his butt for, that I have been trying to prepare him for. its my job to teach him all he needs to know to survive in the real world, and yet I can't imagine him not being here everyday.
Yes, I want him to be independent, and successful. I want him to be very happy, to love his life, and maybe someday find a wife, and have his own family. I have always said my job is to raise them, teach them, and make sure they are ready for the real world. My hope is they know that no matter how old they are, or how far away they are, we are, and always will be here for them.
And yet in spite of all of this, it hurts to let him go. I tear up thinking about his graduation ceremony, which happens to occur on his 18th birthday. I tear up thinking about taking him to college and leaving him there and driving the 3 1/2 hr drive home. I struggle with how I am going to do it, and just how much I should let him know it is all ripping my heart out. I don't want him to feel bad or sad about any of it.
I have been trying to figure out what my role becomes, how do I do this. I need to find the words to let him know I want him to go, be his own person, create memories, and start his adult life. I don't expect to be told of every decision, idea or change, but hope I am still one of the people he wants to share the highlights & low points of his life with. I have to find the line I have to balance on, the one where I am giving him his space, yet not making him feel he is not a part of this family.
And I worry! I worry if we go on vacation, or do something fun, exciting, or make changes will he feel left out? Will he know, and understand that while we are caring on with life, we so much want and wish he was there too. I worry if he will be scared, will he be lonely, will it be too much pressure, will he feel like he has to be the best, and if he isn't will he think I will be disappointed?
I never went to college, I moved out the day after I turned 18. I worked & struggled, I made mistakes. I was also made aware of all the things I did wrong, how I needed to grow up, to be more responsible. I worried I would never find happiness, that I would forever be trying to find the life I wanted, the life I thought I deserved.
When I was in high school I lived with my dad, and stepmom. I didn't know where my mom was living or how to get ahold of her, I had to wait for her to call or send a letter. When I was having typical teenage problems, I didn't have my mom. When I went to prom 2 times, I didn't have my mom there offering advice or helping me get ready. But, the biggest time in my teenage years was graduating from high school, it was a big accomplishment and even though I wasn't a good student, I was still graduating. I wanted my mom there, I wanted her to see me graduating, I wanted her to be proud, but she wasn't there.
don't get me wrong, my stepmom filled in for all those milestones for me, she was happy for me, and loved me. But I needed, wanted, and missed my mom. I wished she wanted to be there, for me.
I really believe because of this I find myself unsure of what I am suppose to do for Travis. I want to be supportive, but not overbearing. I want him to know I am so proud of him, and that I love him so incredibly much. I will be there for every milestone in his life, big or small, if he wants me too.
But the biggest thing is, I am not ready to let him go, and if I am truthful, I don't think I ever will be. I had Travis as my buddy, he was an only child for 6 yrs.
I know I will get through this, and I know he is ready. I know he will be just fine, and will do great. I know he will make a new life, and he will be happy. I know all of this in my head and in my heart. But if I am going to be totally honest, I also knew my heart hurts too. I am sure many moms have felt this way to some extent, and some never had these fears, thought, or inability to let go. But, this is me, this is real, and it is going to be for a while. So, for now I carry on everyday wishing I could stop time, and wishing I could see into the future too, If I could see his future I would never worry if he was going to be ok, and I could prepare him for any bumps along his road of life.
I will never be ready, and yet I know it doesn't make a difference, life will go on. I will cope, I will be OK and so will Travis. And, until my last breath on this earth, he will always be my 1st born, my baby boy, 1 of my 3 amazing reasons for living!
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
So Busy
Here we are again and I haven't blog in forever. I really need to get back to it because it gives me a place to put my thoughts, feeling & opinions. Sometimes it boring, sad, happy, angry, or plain old confusing.
So much has happened and honestly I could probably write many posts addressing each thing individually, but I'll once again do a brief recap. I will be addressing some issues, milestones, and feelings more in separate post too.
Life is moving fast, and I struggle with wanting to hurry up to the fun parts, and wanting it to slow down or stop so I can enjoy & cherish it a bit more.
Over the summer the kids & I went to Indiana to tour a college Travis was considering. It was fun, challenging, and sad. It was when I first realized my 1st born is going to college, and I'm going to miss him more then ever. Travis & I went on a quick trip to North Dakota to tour a college there. It was fun having some alone time with him, it doesn't happen much any more. Finally in November Travis & I flew to Florida for 2 college tours, and a very quick trip to Disney World. It was a fast, busy trip, but we had such a good time. I am eternally grateful to have the time we spent together. We talked, laughed, and I may have secretly teared up a few times.
Travis continues to do amazing in school, and I have no doubt he is going to go very far in this world.
Kaden graduated from elementary school, and started his 1st year of middle school. I was so worried about how 6th grade would go, but it has gone very smooth. He has made many new friends, and loves school. He is doing fairly well, but socializing is more fun then doing school work. He is counting down the days till Travis goes to college, so he can have his room. I see him maturing so fast, and I get sad.
Tessa is growing so fast too. She is so busy getting into trouble & being a stinker. She went to summer school for 6 weeks, and loved it. She went to Indiana, toured a college, and visited her first museum this summer. I was very happy she likes to take road trips, and see new places. This something I did with the boys a lot, but hadn't yet with her. She started preschool in the fall, and is loving it. She knows her alphabet ( upper & lower case), she can count to 10, and lnows her colors. She's been on 2 field trips, and is learning to interact with her peers.
She was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism /Graves disease this spring. She takes meds to control it, and we have seen some great improvements in her sleeping. For now she is monitored every 3 months to makes sure her medicine dose is working, and she isn't experiencing and effects on her liver or blood counts from it.
Tessa will be 4 at the end of the month. Time has gone way too fast!!
Dennis has been working a ton, as usual. He did get to take some time off when Travis & I went to North Dakota, and again when we went to Florida. He did a great job holding down the fort, and taking care of Kaden & Tessa. It was so hard leaving them. Kaden understands, but Tessa doesn't know why mommy left, or when I'm coming back. We did talk via FaceTime, but not sure how much that helped. Dennis loved the break from work, and getting to be Mr Mom. He says if I ever find a job that pays enough to pay all the bills, he would love to be a stay at home dad.
So there is life in a nutshell. Blogging will be more often, and I should be able to add pictures too. Dennis bought me a small notebook/ tablet to use since getting on my computer is harder these days with Tessa & her daily shenanigans.
So much has happened and honestly I could probably write many posts addressing each thing individually, but I'll once again do a brief recap. I will be addressing some issues, milestones, and feelings more in separate post too.
Life is moving fast, and I struggle with wanting to hurry up to the fun parts, and wanting it to slow down or stop so I can enjoy & cherish it a bit more.
Over the summer the kids & I went to Indiana to tour a college Travis was considering. It was fun, challenging, and sad. It was when I first realized my 1st born is going to college, and I'm going to miss him more then ever. Travis & I went on a quick trip to North Dakota to tour a college there. It was fun having some alone time with him, it doesn't happen much any more. Finally in November Travis & I flew to Florida for 2 college tours, and a very quick trip to Disney World. It was a fast, busy trip, but we had such a good time. I am eternally grateful to have the time we spent together. We talked, laughed, and I may have secretly teared up a few times.
Travis continues to do amazing in school, and I have no doubt he is going to go very far in this world.
Kaden graduated from elementary school, and started his 1st year of middle school. I was so worried about how 6th grade would go, but it has gone very smooth. He has made many new friends, and loves school. He is doing fairly well, but socializing is more fun then doing school work. He is counting down the days till Travis goes to college, so he can have his room. I see him maturing so fast, and I get sad.
Tessa is growing so fast too. She is so busy getting into trouble & being a stinker. She went to summer school for 6 weeks, and loved it. She went to Indiana, toured a college, and visited her first museum this summer. I was very happy she likes to take road trips, and see new places. This something I did with the boys a lot, but hadn't yet with her. She started preschool in the fall, and is loving it. She knows her alphabet ( upper & lower case), she can count to 10, and lnows her colors. She's been on 2 field trips, and is learning to interact with her peers.
She was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism /Graves disease this spring. She takes meds to control it, and we have seen some great improvements in her sleeping. For now she is monitored every 3 months to makes sure her medicine dose is working, and she isn't experiencing and effects on her liver or blood counts from it.
Tessa will be 4 at the end of the month. Time has gone way too fast!!
Dennis has been working a ton, as usual. He did get to take some time off when Travis & I went to North Dakota, and again when we went to Florida. He did a great job holding down the fort, and taking care of Kaden & Tessa. It was so hard leaving them. Kaden understands, but Tessa doesn't know why mommy left, or when I'm coming back. We did talk via FaceTime, but not sure how much that helped. Dennis loved the break from work, and getting to be Mr Mom. He says if I ever find a job that pays enough to pay all the bills, he would love to be a stay at home dad.
So there is life in a nutshell. Blogging will be more often, and I should be able to add pictures too. Dennis bought me a small notebook/ tablet to use since getting on my computer is harder these days with Tessa & her daily shenanigans.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Long, Long Time, No Blog!
So it has been a very long time since I last blogged. A lot has happened, and I'll do my best to do a quick update. I won't include pictures cause I'm on my phone, but I'll post some soon.
Ok, here we go:
The whole family is doing great. Disney World was amazing, and the college tour was very impressive. We had a great time, and the time went very fast.
Travis is doing so well this year. He lettered in Academics, and we were so surprised, and proud. He continues to work a few days a week. He did Robotics again, and he enjoyed it very much. His time didn't do as well as last year, but they had fun! He is thinking about college & gearing up for summer. It's very hard to believe he is going to be a senior next year.
Kaden is still being Kaden. He is growing like a weed, loving school. He got to tour middle school, and is excited to be a big 6th grader next year. He loves to play his games on the computer & his new Xbox. He is doing good in school, but doesn't take it as seriously as Travis does, but his grades are still good.
Tessa is doing incredibly good. She is talking so much, and amazing us everyday with her new skills. She turned 3 at the end of January. We were able to get her into A Taste Of Preschool, a class of kids who were not 3 by September 1st. She goes 1 day a week, for 2 hours. She was able to start in November, and while the first month was hard, she now enjoys it so much. I can already see her changing from being around her peers. It's a class of 15 kids, with 5 staff. She continues to get her services at school, just now it's the same district the boys are in. She continues to be equally as cute as she is naughty. She is very much like a typical 3yr old, tantrums, and all.
We did have one big event happen in March, and I will address it in more detail in it's own blog post, because it is very emotionally complex. My mother, whom I haven't spoken to in almost 2 yrs, other then some nasty messages on Facebook unexpectedly passed away. We do not know what cause her death yet. I will say what I have said since that day, while we weren't talking, by my choice, she was my mother. I never hated her, I did love her, she was my mom. I struggle with how I really feel, and it is very complex. Like I said I will address this in it's own post later.
So there is the condensed version of life. I will be trying to blog more from now on. Life has many funny, sad, and I can't believe this is my like moments, and I love sharing them with you.
Ok, here we go:
The whole family is doing great. Disney World was amazing, and the college tour was very impressive. We had a great time, and the time went very fast.
Travis is doing so well this year. He lettered in Academics, and we were so surprised, and proud. He continues to work a few days a week. He did Robotics again, and he enjoyed it very much. His time didn't do as well as last year, but they had fun! He is thinking about college & gearing up for summer. It's very hard to believe he is going to be a senior next year.
Kaden is still being Kaden. He is growing like a weed, loving school. He got to tour middle school, and is excited to be a big 6th grader next year. He loves to play his games on the computer & his new Xbox. He is doing good in school, but doesn't take it as seriously as Travis does, but his grades are still good.
Tessa is doing incredibly good. She is talking so much, and amazing us everyday with her new skills. She turned 3 at the end of January. We were able to get her into A Taste Of Preschool, a class of kids who were not 3 by September 1st. She goes 1 day a week, for 2 hours. She was able to start in November, and while the first month was hard, she now enjoys it so much. I can already see her changing from being around her peers. It's a class of 15 kids, with 5 staff. She continues to get her services at school, just now it's the same district the boys are in. She continues to be equally as cute as she is naughty. She is very much like a typical 3yr old, tantrums, and all.
We did have one big event happen in March, and I will address it in more detail in it's own blog post, because it is very emotionally complex. My mother, whom I haven't spoken to in almost 2 yrs, other then some nasty messages on Facebook unexpectedly passed away. We do not know what cause her death yet. I will say what I have said since that day, while we weren't talking, by my choice, she was my mother. I never hated her, I did love her, she was my mom. I struggle with how I really feel, and it is very complex. Like I said I will address this in it's own post later.
So there is the condensed version of life. I will be trying to blog more from now on. Life has many funny, sad, and I can't believe this is my like moments, and I love sharing them with you.
Friday, August 30, 2013
It's Been A while
I know it has been forever and I am hopeful to get back to blogging more seriously soon.
Things are great with the kids. Travis has been working at his new job and loving the money. He jokes his boss is a real jerk. His boss is his father. He will be starting his Junior year of high school and while he isn't ready for summer to be over he has some great classes and is excited to get back. I on the other hand am not ready to have a child that old.
Kaden is starting 5th grade and he is just as excited to see his friends as ever. He is still just my sweet, super busy boy, but he too is growing up way to fast.
Tessa continues to amaze us daily and is growing like a weed. She babbles constantly and has even started talking more. She has about 50 words she can say, but of course only says them when she feels like it. She is just like Kaden and is constantly moving and never sleeps.
My last post indicated there were issues in my life and there were and to some extent still are. We are working everyday to fix them and I have to admit things are better then ever. While I wish the whole thing never happened it did have a good side. It has forced us to talk about issues we kept bottled up and face them. We have worked them out and our love & marriage is stronger then ever. It by no means is perfect or completely fixed, but I have hope with a bit more time the issue will just be a distant memory, and forever out of our lives.
I won't go into it here but I am sure I may post my thoughts on a certain type of person and the frustrations with not being able to speak my mind. I have lots to say and where better to say them then on my blog. Lets just say there is someone out there who might not like that. ( No, not my husband)
We are just 42 days away from Disney and the kids are excited. Dennis and I are as well because after these last few months with him working so much and our personal struggles it will be nice to get away and away from stress.
So I will update more soon. I am trying to stay positive and happy, some days are harder then others but I tell myself over and over it will get better.
Things are great with the kids. Travis has been working at his new job and loving the money. He jokes his boss is a real jerk. His boss is his father. He will be starting his Junior year of high school and while he isn't ready for summer to be over he has some great classes and is excited to get back. I on the other hand am not ready to have a child that old.
Kaden is starting 5th grade and he is just as excited to see his friends as ever. He is still just my sweet, super busy boy, but he too is growing up way to fast.
Tessa continues to amaze us daily and is growing like a weed. She babbles constantly and has even started talking more. She has about 50 words she can say, but of course only says them when she feels like it. She is just like Kaden and is constantly moving and never sleeps.
My last post indicated there were issues in my life and there were and to some extent still are. We are working everyday to fix them and I have to admit things are better then ever. While I wish the whole thing never happened it did have a good side. It has forced us to talk about issues we kept bottled up and face them. We have worked them out and our love & marriage is stronger then ever. It by no means is perfect or completely fixed, but I have hope with a bit more time the issue will just be a distant memory, and forever out of our lives.
I won't go into it here but I am sure I may post my thoughts on a certain type of person and the frustrations with not being able to speak my mind. I have lots to say and where better to say them then on my blog. Lets just say there is someone out there who might not like that. ( No, not my husband)
We are just 42 days away from Disney and the kids are excited. Dennis and I are as well because after these last few months with him working so much and our personal struggles it will be nice to get away and away from stress.
So I will update more soon. I am trying to stay positive and happy, some days are harder then others but I tell myself over and over it will get better.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Sometimes We Need To Be Reminded
I know I haven't posted in forever, but life gets busy & sometimes my time is limited.
Everyone is doing great and I will update soon.
But this post needed to be done.
I think sometimes in the craziness of everyday life we sometimes forget to stop, take a deep breath, and see what we have. Parents are busy working, taking care of the kids, and all the other tasks of life, that we sometimes don't take time for ourselves or our spouses.
As time goes on we tend to take each other for granted & forget to let each other know we appreciate them, love them, want & need them.
Everybody has bumps in the road. Some are tiny, we barely notice them and we keep going. Some are huge, and force us to stop, and figure out the best way to proceed. I think the best way to handle these depends on a few things.
Do you want to learn from it, work on getting rid of it, and continue on your path stronger, happier, closer, and with a stronger love for each other & life?
Or do you want to give up, not try, and be alone as you continue on your journey in life. No doubt if this is the path you choose the bumps will just keep getting bigger.
I choose the 1st option!!
While we sometimes have to deal with difficult people & situations all the time, I think it is much easier with your spouse by your side, holding your hand, whispering... I'm here, I love you, I'm not going anywhere, we will get through this. And the most amazing thing is we do get through it, and in the end your appreciation for each other, your life you have built together, your strength, your commitment to each other are so much stronger.
But the greatest part is you really see how much you both love each other. You see the other person in a different way.
I've said many times that I feel very blessed, but I never realize just how blessed.
I have 3 of the most amazing kids ever. I married my best friend, and know that the bond & love we have is stronger now then it ever has been. I have hope & faith that the days, months, & years to come are only going to be even better, and filled with more love then I ever imagined, and the tears will be only happy ones!!
So to all the bumps in the road we have encountered or have yet to encounter.... Nice try, you are & will make us more committed to get through it all together, stronger, and with much love!
Everyone is doing great and I will update soon.
But this post needed to be done.
I think sometimes in the craziness of everyday life we sometimes forget to stop, take a deep breath, and see what we have. Parents are busy working, taking care of the kids, and all the other tasks of life, that we sometimes don't take time for ourselves or our spouses.
As time goes on we tend to take each other for granted & forget to let each other know we appreciate them, love them, want & need them.
Everybody has bumps in the road. Some are tiny, we barely notice them and we keep going. Some are huge, and force us to stop, and figure out the best way to proceed. I think the best way to handle these depends on a few things.
Do you want to learn from it, work on getting rid of it, and continue on your path stronger, happier, closer, and with a stronger love for each other & life?
Or do you want to give up, not try, and be alone as you continue on your journey in life. No doubt if this is the path you choose the bumps will just keep getting bigger.
I choose the 1st option!!
While we sometimes have to deal with difficult people & situations all the time, I think it is much easier with your spouse by your side, holding your hand, whispering... I'm here, I love you, I'm not going anywhere, we will get through this. And the most amazing thing is we do get through it, and in the end your appreciation for each other, your life you have built together, your strength, your commitment to each other are so much stronger.
But the greatest part is you really see how much you both love each other. You see the other person in a different way.
I've said many times that I feel very blessed, but I never realize just how blessed.
I have 3 of the most amazing kids ever. I married my best friend, and know that the bond & love we have is stronger now then it ever has been. I have hope & faith that the days, months, & years to come are only going to be even better, and filled with more love then I ever imagined, and the tears will be only happy ones!!
So to all the bumps in the road we have encountered or have yet to encounter.... Nice try, you are & will make us more committed to get through it all together, stronger, and with much love!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
My Child Isn't Smarter Or Better Then Yours!!
I know there may be some that don't agree with my thinking or views, and that is fine. But I also know by not bringing this subject up I am not being honest with others about my thoughts and opinions. I also know that unless I and others don't say something we are not helping those that are on this journey and may be struggling or wondering what they are doing wrong.
So, for any parents out there that have a child with DS and who are doing the best they can or know how for their child let me say this:
You Are Doing An Amazing Job!!!
I have been thinking about this for a while and after going to a friend and fellow parent of a child with DS's house, I realized I should write this post.
When I first had Tessa I searched the web for any and all info I could get on this new life I was starting.I found many blogs and facebook pages, and I followed them. The problem is I was soon left feeling like I was not doing everything, the right thing, or anything to help Tessa. I would see where they were going to many therapy appointments everyday and had all these expensive toys, books, DVDs, iPads, etc. There are even some spending a small fortune on a special Preschool for 2 yr olds.
I had the people from the Birth -3 program coming out. Tessa had a Teacher, PT, OT, and now Speech. I panicked, I was seeing all these babies Tessa's age or close doing way more things then she was. I at that moment thought the reason she wasn't as good at doing these things or not doing them at all was because of me & the fact we didn't have a small fortune at our disposal to pay for this stuff.
I did try adding private PT into our routine, it lasted 3 visits, Tessa was terrified of the people and place.
I finally had my Ah-Ha moment.
All of these blogs, pages, and whatever else were not helping. In fact they were hurting.
Now here is where I am not going to be popular with some.
Why is it that we have to work our kids hours upon hours everyday, just to show the world they are good enough???
I know that we need to show society that our kids are just like every other kid, that they can & will learn like other kids, just a bit slower. Why do we have to push our children daily to make sure they are walking, talking, drinking from a sippy cup/straw, that they use their silverware, that they can talk/sign, that they are able to read sight words??? WHY??
It seems to me there is this push and competition in the DS community lately to have our kid be better then your kid, but don't fear theywill tell you how they got their kid to be the perfect example of how a child with DS should be acting, developing, looking.
Tessa did walk early, she says a few words, she signs, she drinks from a sippy cup, and sometimes a straw. But she doesn't do them "perfectly". She also has good muscle tone in her lower half.
Does any of this make her better or smarter then any others?? NO!!
We didn't spend hours daily in therapy, I didn't spend hours daily working with her, I didn't spend a fortune on things to make her "learn".
Instead we found what motivated her and worked with that. I used Lucky Charms to get her to do the pincher grasp. We used loud, bright, light up toys to motivate her to try to reach for them. And Yes, I used my boys to motivate her as well.
Because I am busy with the boys and life, Tessa spent a lot of time on the floor with toys around her, just far enough away that while she could see them she could not reach them. Why? To motivate her to reach them.
What I am trying to say is, I think in the push to get our children to be recognized as the amazing, loving, beautiful kids that they are we have somehow created a disservice to ourselves.
Our kids are just that, KIDS. Kids that deserve to have fun, play, be who and what they are going to be. We shouldn't be slave drivers to them, just to show the world they are smart, and deserve to be included, because in doing so we are singeling them out and causing more isolation among them and us.
Yes, I agree they need extra help, but do we really need to be teaching our 9 month olds, or our 18 month olds things we would never teach let alone expect a typical child that age to be doing??
Down syndrome children are like other kids. They all are different, they all learn and develop at different ages, they all have their own potential. I think it is time we stop trying so hard to prove our kid is the best or that unless you spend 40 hours a week in therapy and another 20 developing a learning program at home you are a lazy parent and your child is suffering and not living up to their full potential.
My ways and methods work fine for us, I am always happy to offer advise, suggestions, and support, and love getting it all in return. But I don't want it if it involves being a slave driver to my 2 yr old, or I need to take a second mortgage out to pay for it.
Let your kid be a kid, be creative with your "purposeful play". And always remember you are the parent, and only you know what is best for your child.
Don't ever let these other parents make you feel bad, or like you aren't doing enough.
I really believe they are going to wake up one day and see that all the precious moments have passed them by while they were busy trying to show the world their child is the smartest.
So, for any parents out there that have a child with DS and who are doing the best they can or know how for their child let me say this:
You Are Doing An Amazing Job!!!
I have been thinking about this for a while and after going to a friend and fellow parent of a child with DS's house, I realized I should write this post.
When I first had Tessa I searched the web for any and all info I could get on this new life I was starting.I found many blogs and facebook pages, and I followed them. The problem is I was soon left feeling like I was not doing everything, the right thing, or anything to help Tessa. I would see where they were going to many therapy appointments everyday and had all these expensive toys, books, DVDs, iPads, etc. There are even some spending a small fortune on a special Preschool for 2 yr olds.
I had the people from the Birth -3 program coming out. Tessa had a Teacher, PT, OT, and now Speech. I panicked, I was seeing all these babies Tessa's age or close doing way more things then she was. I at that moment thought the reason she wasn't as good at doing these things or not doing them at all was because of me & the fact we didn't have a small fortune at our disposal to pay for this stuff.
I did try adding private PT into our routine, it lasted 3 visits, Tessa was terrified of the people and place.
I finally had my Ah-Ha moment.
All of these blogs, pages, and whatever else were not helping. In fact they were hurting.
Now here is where I am not going to be popular with some.
Why is it that we have to work our kids hours upon hours everyday, just to show the world they are good enough???
I know that we need to show society that our kids are just like every other kid, that they can & will learn like other kids, just a bit slower. Why do we have to push our children daily to make sure they are walking, talking, drinking from a sippy cup/straw, that they use their silverware, that they can talk/sign, that they are able to read sight words??? WHY??
It seems to me there is this push and competition in the DS community lately to have our kid be better then your kid, but don't fear theywill tell you how they got their kid to be the perfect example of how a child with DS should be acting, developing, looking.
Tessa did walk early, she says a few words, she signs, she drinks from a sippy cup, and sometimes a straw. But she doesn't do them "perfectly". She also has good muscle tone in her lower half.
Does any of this make her better or smarter then any others?? NO!!
We didn't spend hours daily in therapy, I didn't spend hours daily working with her, I didn't spend a fortune on things to make her "learn".
Instead we found what motivated her and worked with that. I used Lucky Charms to get her to do the pincher grasp. We used loud, bright, light up toys to motivate her to try to reach for them. And Yes, I used my boys to motivate her as well.
Because I am busy with the boys and life, Tessa spent a lot of time on the floor with toys around her, just far enough away that while she could see them she could not reach them. Why? To motivate her to reach them.
What I am trying to say is, I think in the push to get our children to be recognized as the amazing, loving, beautiful kids that they are we have somehow created a disservice to ourselves.
Our kids are just that, KIDS. Kids that deserve to have fun, play, be who and what they are going to be. We shouldn't be slave drivers to them, just to show the world they are smart, and deserve to be included, because in doing so we are singeling them out and causing more isolation among them and us.
Yes, I agree they need extra help, but do we really need to be teaching our 9 month olds, or our 18 month olds things we would never teach let alone expect a typical child that age to be doing??
Down syndrome children are like other kids. They all are different, they all learn and develop at different ages, they all have their own potential. I think it is time we stop trying so hard to prove our kid is the best or that unless you spend 40 hours a week in therapy and another 20 developing a learning program at home you are a lazy parent and your child is suffering and not living up to their full potential.
My ways and methods work fine for us, I am always happy to offer advise, suggestions, and support, and love getting it all in return. But I don't want it if it involves being a slave driver to my 2 yr old, or I need to take a second mortgage out to pay for it.
Let your kid be a kid, be creative with your "purposeful play". And always remember you are the parent, and only you know what is best for your child.
Don't ever let these other parents make you feel bad, or like you aren't doing enough.
I really believe they are going to wake up one day and see that all the precious moments have passed them by while they were busy trying to show the world their child is the smartest.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Merry Christmas!! Ok I Know I am Late
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas, or a Happy whatever you celebrate.
Ours was very nice, however much different than any we have ever had. I wasn't organized, I wasn't in the spirit, or the mood. The tree was not put up until the week before, the cookies and treats were not made till the week before.
If you know me this is not heard of, even the year I was pregnant with Tessa I still went all out. I am not really sure what my issue was, but I just wasn't feeling it, and felt incredibly guilty for it.
However I found my spirit and we had a wonderful Christmas.
The week before my Step-Mom came over and made cookies with the kids (boys). They lost interest after a bit but they still made some. Hopefully as Tessa grows Julie will get a new more enthusiastic cookie helper. None the less it was nice to have her visit and Tessa loves when Grandma Julie comes.
On the 23rd my Dad, Julie, My sister Shannon, her husband Chris, and my brother Shawn all came over to exchange gifts. Once again the kids were spoiled and loved their gifts very much. Tessa had been sleeping so she wasn't a super happy camper at first, but soon warmed up to every one and was soon her usual, funny self. She wasn't too sure about opening gifts since she had been told to not touch them, and now we wanted her to rip the paper off. No fear she got the hang of it real quick.
Christmas Eve was a quiet day with the kids & I. Dennis worked so I took the kids over to his Uncles house to drop off some bars and fudge for their gathering. We would have went but we had already made plans. Dennis stopped by on his way home to say hi, but we had already left.
We had my cousin Steve over for dinner and gifts. He too had to work, but we had a nice dinner of Prime Rib, and we all ate too much. Once again the kids were very spoiled by Steve & loved their gifts. I think he was a bit surprised by our gift and it made me happy to know he liked it and could use it.
Christmas morning was just Dennis and I, Steve had to work and so couldn't be here. The kids were very excited to see their gifts from Santa and us. Travis was convinced he was getting a new smart phone, and when he didn't see it from Santa and it didn't appear to be anywhere he was a bit bummed but never fear it was hidden. Tessa got a nice hard sided suitcase with wheels and Disney Princesses on it, and Kaden got his Lego Pirates of the Caribbean ship.
All in all it was a great Christmas, and we really enjoyed spending time with those we love. We really missed everyone in Texas, and of course Grandma Roggie in Arizona, but we talked to them often. we missed being with Dennis's family, but sometimes we have to compromise and next year we will plan on seeing them. (we see most of them very often- weekly)
Hope you had a great holiday, and were able to make some cherished memories with those you love & are important to you.
I was going to add photos but it won't let me, I will work on it and get some up soon.
Ours was very nice, however much different than any we have ever had. I wasn't organized, I wasn't in the spirit, or the mood. The tree was not put up until the week before, the cookies and treats were not made till the week before.
If you know me this is not heard of, even the year I was pregnant with Tessa I still went all out. I am not really sure what my issue was, but I just wasn't feeling it, and felt incredibly guilty for it.
However I found my spirit and we had a wonderful Christmas.
The week before my Step-Mom came over and made cookies with the kids (boys). They lost interest after a bit but they still made some. Hopefully as Tessa grows Julie will get a new more enthusiastic cookie helper. None the less it was nice to have her visit and Tessa loves when Grandma Julie comes.
On the 23rd my Dad, Julie, My sister Shannon, her husband Chris, and my brother Shawn all came over to exchange gifts. Once again the kids were spoiled and loved their gifts very much. Tessa had been sleeping so she wasn't a super happy camper at first, but soon warmed up to every one and was soon her usual, funny self. She wasn't too sure about opening gifts since she had been told to not touch them, and now we wanted her to rip the paper off. No fear she got the hang of it real quick.
Christmas Eve was a quiet day with the kids & I. Dennis worked so I took the kids over to his Uncles house to drop off some bars and fudge for their gathering. We would have went but we had already made plans. Dennis stopped by on his way home to say hi, but we had already left.
We had my cousin Steve over for dinner and gifts. He too had to work, but we had a nice dinner of Prime Rib, and we all ate too much. Once again the kids were very spoiled by Steve & loved their gifts. I think he was a bit surprised by our gift and it made me happy to know he liked it and could use it.
Christmas morning was just Dennis and I, Steve had to work and so couldn't be here. The kids were very excited to see their gifts from Santa and us. Travis was convinced he was getting a new smart phone, and when he didn't see it from Santa and it didn't appear to be anywhere he was a bit bummed but never fear it was hidden. Tessa got a nice hard sided suitcase with wheels and Disney Princesses on it, and Kaden got his Lego Pirates of the Caribbean ship.
All in all it was a great Christmas, and we really enjoyed spending time with those we love. We really missed everyone in Texas, and of course Grandma Roggie in Arizona, but we talked to them often. we missed being with Dennis's family, but sometimes we have to compromise and next year we will plan on seeing them. (we see most of them very often- weekly)
Hope you had a great holiday, and were able to make some cherished memories with those you love & are important to you.
I was going to add photos but it won't let me, I will work on it and get some up soon.
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