Long, Long Time, No Blog!

So it has been a very long time since I last blogged. A lot has happened, and I'll do my best to do a quick update. I won't include pictures cause I'm on my phone, but I'll post some soon.
Ok, here we go:
The whole family is doing great. Disney World was amazing, and the college tour was very impressive. We had a great time, and the time went very fast.

Travis is doing so well this year. He lettered in Academics, and we were so surprised, and proud. He continues to work a few days a week. He did Robotics again, and he enjoyed it very much. His time didn't do as well as last year, but they had fun! He is thinking about college & gearing up for summer. It's very hard to believe he is going to be a senior next year.

Kaden is still being Kaden. He is growing like a weed, loving school. He got to tour middle school, and is excited to be a big 6th grader next year. He loves to play his games on the computer & his new Xbox. He is doing good in school, but doesn't take it as seriously as Travis does, but his grades are still good.

Tessa is doing incredibly good. She is talking so much, and amazing us everyday with her new skills. She turned 3 at the end of  January. We were able to get her into A Taste Of Preschool, a class of kids who were not 3 by September 1st. She goes 1 day a week, for 2 hours. She was able to start in November, and while the first month was hard, she now enjoys it so much. I can already see her changing from being around her peers. It's a class of 15 kids, with 5 staff. She continues to get her services at school, just now it's the same district the boys are in. She continues to be equally as cute as she is naughty. She is very much like a typical 3yr old, tantrums, and all.

We did have one big event happen in March, and I will address it in more detail in it's own blog post, because it is very emotionally complex. My mother, whom I haven't spoken to in almost 2 yrs, other then some nasty messages on Facebook unexpectedly passed away. We do not know what cause her death yet. I will say what I have said since that day, while we weren't talking, by my choice, she was my mother. I never hated her, I did love her, she was my mom. I struggle with how I really feel, and it is very complex. Like I said I will address this in it's own post later.

So there is the condensed version of life. I will be trying to blog more from now on. Life has many funny, sad, and I can't believe this is my like moments, and I love sharing them with you.

It's Been A while

I know it has been forever and I am hopeful to get back to blogging more seriously soon.

Things are great with the kids. Travis has been working at his new job and loving the money. He jokes his boss is a real jerk. His boss is his father. He will be starting his Junior year of high school and while he isn't ready for summer to be over he has some great classes and is excited to get back. I on the other hand am not ready to have a child that old.

Kaden is starting 5th grade and he is just as excited to see his friends as ever. He is still just my sweet, super busy boy, but he too is growing up way to fast.

Tessa continues to amaze us daily and is growing like a weed. She babbles constantly and has even started talking more. She has about 50 words she can say, but of course only says them when she feels like it. She is just like Kaden and is constantly moving and never sleeps.

My last post indicated there were issues in my life and there were and to some extent still are. We are working everyday to fix them and I have to admit things are better then ever. While I wish the whole thing never happened it did have a good side. It has forced us to talk about issues we kept bottled up and face them. We have worked them out and our love & marriage is stronger then ever. It by no means is perfect or completely fixed, but I have hope with a bit more time the issue will just be a distant memory, and forever out of our lives.

I won't go into it here but I am sure I may post my thoughts on a certain type of person and the frustrations with not being able to speak my mind. I have lots to say and where better to say them then on my blog. Lets just say there is someone out there who might not like that. ( No, not my husband)

We are just 42 days away from Disney and the kids are excited. Dennis and I are as well because after these last few months with him working so much and our personal struggles it will be nice to get away and away from stress.

So I will update more soon. I am trying to stay positive and happy, some days are harder then others but I tell myself over and over it will get better.

Sometimes We Need To Be Reminded

I know I haven't posted in forever, but life gets busy & sometimes my time is limited.
Everyone is doing great and I will update soon.

But this post needed to be done.

I think sometimes in the craziness of everyday life we sometimes forget to stop, take a deep breath, and see what we have. Parents are busy working, taking care of the kids, and all the other tasks of life, that we sometimes don't take time for ourselves or our spouses.
As time goes on we tend to take each other for granted & forget to let each other know we appreciate them, love them, want & need them.

Everybody has bumps in the road. Some are tiny, we barely notice them and we keep going. Some are huge, and force us to stop, and figure out the best way to proceed. I think the best way to handle these depends on a few things.

Do you want to learn from it, work on getting rid of it, and continue on your path stronger, happier, closer, and with a stronger love for each other & life?

Or do you want to give up, not try, and be alone as you continue on your journey in life. No doubt if this is the path you choose the bumps will just keep getting bigger.

I choose the 1st option!!

While we sometimes have to deal with difficult people & situations all the time, I think it is much easier with your spouse by your side, holding your hand, whispering... I'm here, I love you, I'm not going anywhere, we will get through this. And the most amazing thing is we do get through it, and in the end your appreciation for each other, your life you have built together, your strength, your commitment to each other are so much stronger.

But the greatest part is you really see how much you both love each other. You see the other person in a different way.

I've said many times that I feel very blessed, but I never realize just how blessed.
I have 3 of the most amazing kids ever. I married my best friend, and know that the bond & love we have is stronger now then it ever has been. I have hope & faith that the  days, months, & years to come are only going to be even better, and filled with more love then I ever imagined, and the tears will be only happy ones!!

So to all the bumps in the road we have encountered or have yet to encounter.... Nice try, you are & will make us more committed to get through it all together, stronger, and with much love!

My Child Isn't Smarter Or Better Then Yours!!

I know there may be some that don't agree with my thinking or views, and that is fine. But I also know by not bringing this subject up I am not being honest with others about my thoughts and opinions. I also know that unless I and others don't say something we are not helping those that are on this journey and may be struggling or wondering what they are doing wrong.

So, for any parents out there that have a child with DS and who are doing the best they can or know how for their child let me say this:

You Are Doing An Amazing Job!!!

I have been thinking about this for a while and after going to a friend and fellow parent of a child with DS's house, I realized I should write this post.

When I first had Tessa I searched the web for any and all info I could get on this new life I was starting.I found many blogs and facebook pages, and I followed them. The problem is I was soon left feeling like I was not doing everything, the right thing, or anything to help Tessa. I would see where they were going to many therapy appointments everyday and had all these expensive toys, books, DVDs, iPads, etc. There are even some spending a small fortune on a special Preschool for 2 yr olds.
I had the people from the Birth -3 program coming out. Tessa had a Teacher, PT, OT, and now Speech. I panicked, I was seeing all these babies Tessa's age or close doing way more things then she was. I at that moment thought the reason she wasn't as good at doing these things or not doing them at all was because of me & the fact we didn't have a small fortune at our disposal to pay for this stuff.
I did try adding private PT into our routine, it lasted 3 visits, Tessa was terrified of the people and place.

I finally had my Ah-Ha moment.

All of these blogs, pages, and whatever else were not helping. In fact they were hurting.

Now here is where I am not going to be popular with some.

Why is it that we have to work our kids hours upon hours everyday, just to show the world they are good enough???
I know that we need to show society that our kids are just like every other kid, that they can & will learn like other kids, just a bit slower. Why do we have to push our children daily to make sure they are walking, talking, drinking from a sippy cup/straw, that they use their silverware, that they can talk/sign, that they are able to read sight words??? WHY??
It seems to me there is this push and competition in the DS community lately to have our kid be better then your kid, but don't fear theywill tell you how they got their kid to be the perfect example of how a child with DS should be acting, developing, looking.

Tessa did walk early, she says a few words, she signs, she drinks from a sippy cup, and sometimes a straw. But she doesn't do them "perfectly". She also has good muscle tone in her lower half.
Does any of this make her better or smarter then any others?? NO!!

We didn't spend hours daily in therapy, I didn't spend hours daily working with her, I didn't spend a fortune on things to make her "learn".
Instead we found what motivated her and worked with that. I used Lucky Charms to get her to do the pincher grasp. We used loud, bright, light up toys to motivate her to try to reach for them. And Yes, I used my boys to motivate her as well.
Because I am busy with the boys and life, Tessa spent a lot of time on the floor with toys around her, just far enough away that while she could see them she could not reach them. Why? To motivate her to reach them.

What I am trying to say is, I think in the push to get our children to be recognized as the amazing, loving, beautiful kids that they are we have somehow created a disservice to ourselves.

Our kids are just that, KIDS. Kids that deserve to have fun, play, be who and what they are going to be. We shouldn't be slave drivers to them, just to show the world they are smart, and deserve to be included, because in doing so we are singeling them out and causing more isolation among them and us.
Yes, I agree they need extra help, but do we really need to be teaching our 9 month olds, or our 18 month olds things we would never teach let alone expect a typical child that age to be doing??

Down syndrome children are like other kids. They all are different, they all learn and develop at different ages, they all have their own potential. I think it is time we stop trying so hard to prove our kid is the best or that unless you spend 40 hours a week in therapy and another 20 developing a learning program at home you are a lazy parent and your child is suffering and not living up to their full potential.

My ways and methods work fine for us, I am always happy to offer advise, suggestions, and support, and love getting it all in return. But I don't want it if it involves being a slave driver to my 2 yr old, or I need to take a second mortgage out to pay for it.

Let your kid be a kid, be creative with your "purposeful play". And always remember you are the parent, and only you know what is best for your child.
Don't ever let these other parents make you feel bad, or like you aren't doing enough.
I really believe they are going to wake up one day and see that all the precious moments have passed them by while they were busy trying to show the world their child is the smartest.

Merry Christmas!! Ok I Know I am Late

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas, or a Happy whatever you celebrate.

Ours was very nice, however much different than any we have ever had. I wasn't organized, I wasn't in the spirit, or the mood. The tree was not put up until the week before, the cookies and treats were not made till the week before.
If you know me this is not heard of, even the year I was pregnant with Tessa I still went all out. I am not really sure what my issue was, but I just wasn't feeling it, and felt incredibly guilty for it.

However I found my spirit and we had a wonderful Christmas.
The week before my Step-Mom came over and made cookies with the kids (boys). They lost interest after a bit but they still made some. Hopefully as Tessa grows Julie will get a new more enthusiastic cookie helper. None the less it was nice to have her visit and Tessa loves when Grandma Julie comes.

On the 23rd my Dad, Julie, My sister Shannon, her husband Chris, and my brother Shawn all came over to exchange gifts. Once again the kids were spoiled and loved their gifts very much. Tessa had been sleeping so she wasn't a super happy camper at first, but soon warmed up to every one and was soon her usual, funny self. She wasn't too sure about opening gifts since she had been told to not touch them, and now we wanted her to rip the paper off. No fear she got the hang of it real quick.

Christmas Eve was a quiet day with the kids & I. Dennis worked so I took the kids over to his Uncles house to drop off some bars and fudge for their gathering. We would have went but we had already made plans. Dennis stopped by on his way home to say hi, but we had already left.
We had my cousin Steve over for dinner and gifts. He too had to work, but we had a nice dinner of Prime Rib, and we all ate too much. Once again the kids were very spoiled by Steve & loved their gifts. I think he was a bit surprised by our gift and it made me happy to know he liked it and could use it.

Christmas morning was just Dennis and I, Steve had to work and so couldn't be here. The kids were very excited to see their gifts from Santa and us. Travis was convinced he was getting a new smart phone, and when he didn't see it from Santa and it didn't appear to be anywhere he was a bit bummed but never fear it was hidden. Tessa got a nice hard sided suitcase with wheels and Disney Princesses on it, and Kaden got his Lego Pirates of the Caribbean ship.

All in all it was a great Christmas, and we really enjoyed spending time with those we love. We really missed everyone in Texas, and of course Grandma Roggie in Arizona, but we talked to them often. we missed being with Dennis's family, but sometimes we have to compromise and next year we will plan on seeing them. (we see most of them very often- weekly)

Hope you had a great holiday, and were able to make some cherished memories with those you love & are important to you.

I was going to add photos but it won't let me, I will work on it and get some up soon.

Fridays Tragic Event, Aspergers, My Thoughts

The very sad events that happened last Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary have been always on my mind. I try to hear all the latest news info I can. I think it is because I am trying to wrap my mind around WHY someone would kill those sweet innocent children.
But the past day or so the news has been reporting that the gunman had Aspergers, and even some are reporting that individuals with it have a predisposition to violence or violent outburst.

These reports are not true, mostly.
Yes, some people with Aspergers do have outburst, some I guess could be violent, but to say ALL people are like this is untrue. To say merely having it is a predisposition is untrue.

Travis has Aspergers, and he has Sever Anxiety. We have been working with him for a long time to manage them both. He has had lots of extra help at school and we work everyday at home on it, and yes he does take something to curb his anxiety. He also has been taught and still works daily on ways to control and over come his anxiety.
Do I fear Travis would / could snap?? I think any human being has that ability, but I don't fear it.  I also know that he can't wrap his head around how something like this could have happened to those innocent children, how someone could kill them.

This morning Kaden wore a green shirt, and I made him a green & white ribbon to honor the 26 people who died. He too doesn't understand this, yet he feel so sad for the children.
I talked to him, like I always do and tell him that is why they do Lock down drills at school, and that he must always pay attention to what they are saying. I also tell him that every single one of the staff members at school will protect him. I told him if they ever have a real lock down to remember to stay calm no matter how scared he is, to listen to the directions, and stay very quiet.
The strange thing is both boys have had a real lock down at their schools. They were what they call external lock downs. All doors are locked, and no one goes in or out of the buildings until the police say it is clear.
Travis's was in middle school, someone said they saw a guy walking on the sidewalk with a shotgun. Never found the guy. Kaden's was because some guy was at a church a little ways away with a gun, never heard the whole story, but no one was hurt.

This morning as I dropped Kaden off I walked him to the door, gave him a kiss, told him I loved him & to have a great day. He walked in, turned around and blew me kiss like he does everyday. I always pretend to catch it put it to my lips and blow one back, which he pretends to catch and put to his lips. I then turned and walked back to the van, then I cried. I cried because there are 20 parents who will never kiss their children again. I also cried because it brought back a flood of emotions from when Travis was in elementary school, and having to drop him off and not know IF the child who had bullied him from 1st to 5th grade would follow through on his threat to get a gun and kill Travis.

Yep, This child told Travis that he was going to get a gun and kill him. This child hated Travis, yet when all of the bullying started Travis had no clue who this kid was.
Want to know what the school did about it??? NOTHING!!!
Yep, you read that right. Nothing!
The policy is if they are in elementary school they feel they can still reach them and help them. They had to notify the Sheriffs office and the county social services, but the school did nothing. The following day the child was in school and the school could not telling me if the child brought a weapon to school. They never checked his back pack and were not going to.

There was a point during 5th grade that Travis had had enough, he told me he was going to start being mean to this kid, because we always taught him to treat others like he would want to be treated, so he figured that is what this kid wanted.
I warned the school that they needed to stop this kid because Travis had had enough & at that point I didn't know what he would do. Again my words were ignored, and when one day Travis felt a different child had laughed at him, he punched him! And when the boy went to tell the teacher Travis punched him again in front of the teacher.
When I got the call that he had done this, I calmly told the Principal, "I told you this was going to happen, are you surprise? cause I am not."
Needless to say I did punish him for doing it. He lost computer for 1 month. I had to make sure Travis knew this was not to ever happen again. And guess what it hasn't.
As for the other child? I made sure he was in none of Travis's classes for 6th grade. However in 7th he started to say crap to Travis again and I made sure the school was aware this was going to stop now, and about the past bullying and threat. ( they were unaware of it). Needless to say the child was no longer in school a week after my phone call and I believe he is at a different high school.

It is hard to feel 100% comfortable all the time. My heart breaks for those parents. While I was lucky we only had to endure a threat, I still can't shake the fear of what if.

Funny little story, cause we need to lighten it up a bit.

Kaden's school got new janitors this year. They have one during the day and one in the afternoon evening. Now I know they have to pass background checks, and I know you shouldn't judge someone by their looks, but!
The daytime janitor has tattoos covering his entire arm on both sides he is very muscular and looks like he could hold his own in a fight just fine. He doesn't look like your average school janitor, he looks like a stero-typical person from a biker gang. He is very nice and very polite & the kids love him, but it always struck me as odd for an elementary school.
Anyway, today when I was dropping Kaden off, the janitor came outside through a side door to throw some trash away. I looked at him and had a great sense of calm, because for the first time, I realized he was the type of man to stand up and protect the kids if need be. I was glad to have a very intimidating looking janitor at Kaden's school.

While it is hard to not feel bad about what happened last Friday, and I feel somewhat guilty being happy and feeling very blessed this Christmas, I think we also need to know it is OK to carry on with our lives, it is OK to be happy and feel blessed. I know I will say a little prayer everynight for the lives lost, but I will also say a little prayer for the life I have and the blessing I have been given.

Some Thoughts While Rocking Tessa

So like usual I have many thoughts while rocking Tessa at nap time and bedtime. I do some of my best thinking during this time.

Today I was looking at her while she was sleeping, and felt tears in my eyes. I was thinking about how blessed I am, not just by her, but by everything.

I think sometimes we, myself included, sometimes don't always take the time to see situations for what they are or could be. I use to be really bad about this. Every time something went wrong or not as I expected I would become upset, sad, frustrated. I would see myself as a victim, or being wronged in some way. I didn't like feeling this way, I always tried to not feel this way, yet I think we all think like this from time to time. I believe it is human nature, yet I also now believe & know it can be changed.

When Travis was little and was so sick, and having surgeries on his eyes I use to always think God was punishing me somehow. I wasn't sure why or what I did, but I always assumed it was my desire to have a baby so bad. I felt like God was telling me, "OK, I will let you have a child, but you will be given a sick child with many issues, your life will not be what you dreamed about, and then maybe you will except my plan for you from now on."
Now, yes, I know this seems off the wall, and really why would he be so mean and vindictive? But I have always felt like I was being punished for not being grateful for what I had.

Fast forward to 2010, I have it pretty easy. I had 2 amazing blessings, I was busy being the best mom I could and I loved my life. Then I find out right before my 41st birthday, I am going to have a baby. Yikes, the thoughts of being punished all came back. Why? Why now?
But then I saw that this wasn't some test this was amazing, I was going to be given another child, and I was grateful. Then the news comes that it is a girl, YES I was finally getting the one thing I had always dreamed about and I felt lucky. The good news & happy feelings were soon met with heartbreak and sadness. It looks like there might be something not right with my little girl.

Yep, there it was again, the feeling I was being punished yet again for wanting something so much. I cried for weeks wondering  Why me again? I finally had to put it out of my mind and accept the fact I was not in control over this. I was blessed with a baby at this point in my life & whatever she does or doesn't have is not an issue, it can't be. She is mine and I love her too much to worry.

It was at this point I realized that I am lucky, I am blessed and I need to see things for what they really are.

I look at Tessa everyday and I am overwhelmed with love. She is so pure, and innocent. She loves everyone and enjoys every moment with every ounce of her being. She finds happiness and laughter in the smallest things. Life is hers for the taking and she is living every moment to the fullest.
She has taught Dennis, the boys and me to really stop and enjoy the little things, see the things that have been right in front of us all along, yet we were to busy or unwilling to see. We find the beauty in everything.

Don't get me wrong, life is tough, and sometimes it sucks. Sometimes I don't know if I can handle what is given to me, or what I have to do.
But, I have realized that everything has a purpose. Sometimes we are dealt a crappy hand, sometimes we have to endure more heartache and pain then we ever thought imaginable. I believe these are the things and moments that shape us, change us, open our eyes to what our purpose is, makes us who we are, and who we should be.
But the only way this can happen is if we are able to take a little time to grieve, be sad, angry, helpless, and then pull ourselves up and look past it all. We have to look passed the crap, and see the light, the possibilities, the purpose. We need to see the good in the situation, the blessings we still have, and the blessings yet to come. Sometimes out of the greatest moments of sadness comes the greatest opportunities.

Tessa having Ds made me very sad, I still get sad when I think about her future. I believe she will have an amazing life, but I also know there will be some heartache. She will have to deal with those that don't understand, or are just plain old cruel. But I also believe she is so amazing, and precious that she can also teach others to accept her and others with disabilities. I also feel it is my job to help her do this. I was blessed with Tessa, but I also must share her with others, so that they too can see how lucky the world is to have her and all children / adults with Ds in it.

I see my life as a huge gift, I have been blessed to have married my best friend, I have Travis & Kaden, who teach me everyday about life & love. I feel extra blessed to have the most incredible daughter. She completes my life, and our family. I now see Why Me!!!
Everyday, I wake up, and say a little prayer of thanks for the wonderful life I have been given, and for the opportunity to cherish the little things, and the courage to make the tough choices & fight for my loved ones happiness too.

Remember even in the darkest & toughest of times, we will survive and come out on the other side stronger, determined, changed, but also blessed & loved. And when the darkness clears you will see the answer to Why Me!