Back To School Night

Every year the schools have a Back To School Night. It is a night to find your locker, meet your teachers and for Kaden to bring in his supplies.
Every year I try really hard to be on the ball and have all the supplies bought, labeled, and in one spot. I try to have all the forms filled out and in a neat order.
This year I was so proud of myself, I carefully marked the things off Kaden's list, some we already had, some we needed to buy. I was so positive we had it all, and for once I wasn't forgetting anything. Yay Me !!

We get to Kaden's school, find his classroom, say hi to his teacher (we know her, he had her in 2nd grade) and proceed to put his supplies where they belong. Then it happened..... I didn't bring the package of  loose leaf notebook paper, the ruler, the anti bacterial wipes, I was .50 short on the activity money, and forgot his notebook for art.  Crap !!!  I am not as organized as I thought.  Oh well at least I had most, and the staff knows us so well they laugh and say not to worry it is hard having 3 kids and he can just bring it Tuesday.

Next year I WILL be prepared better. I say this every year since Travis started school.


Next Travis & I went to his school to meet his teachers and find his locker. No supplies are need at the high school level they like to just tell the kids the first day what they need, so then while your trying to adjust to being back at school and new routines, you also get to run out to the store to buy supplies that are now out of stock. Good Times!!
We find all his classes, say hi to the teachers, get a bit of an overview of what they are planning to teach this year.. find the info out needed for his AP  American History class, when the final test is next spring and the cost so he can get the college credit for it.
His was much easier to prepare for, except... His Chemistry teacher was no where to be found, and the nurse wasn't around to give the forms to.

OK a tiny rant here.. Travis is in 10th grade, they allow the kids to self carry their inhalers, BUT  I have to fill out a form saying  he can administer it himself, the Dr has to fill out a form saying her can self administer & needs it, and then the nurse has to make sure Travis knows how & when to use it, and that he knows not to share it with others.
Seriously, this is insane, Yes, he knows how to use it, Yes, he needs it, and yes, I say he can do it himself. He is 15 yrs old, don't think he needs the nurse helping him use his inhaler.
OK, rant over !!

Anyway, back to school night went pretty well, and their is always next year to look forward too. I just know one of these years I"ll be that mom that has it all together, and has everything before the 1st day of school.

Up next.. The 1st day of school is Tuesday, I will let you know how it goes. I can tell you that it will include some tears, and they won't be from the kids.
In the mean time we are going to enjoy the last few days of freedom  summer.

Some Numbers

Since my computer was down a few things happened. I updated you all with a bit of what we had been up to but I didn't include everything.

While my computer was down,
Tessa turned 18 months!! She is doing great & meeting her milestones in true Tessa fashion..mostly on time.
She is 19 lbs 4 ozs and is 30 1/2 inches tall. Her head is 16 inches. And while she is small in all areas on a "typical" growth chart she is in the 75-90% on the DS charts. Yay Tessa!!

Last week not only did I turn 43, and blogged about it, but I also had a wedding anniversary too. Dennis and I have been married 16 yrs. Now if you factor in he was my best friend for 14 yrs before getting married, it is like 30 yrs. I am not going to lie and say they have all always been happy & perfect, but we can be proud of the fact our kids have never seen us fight. This could be because while we disagree sometimes, we just don't fight.

Also as of today we are at 416 days till we back out of the driveway and start our family vacation. I am so excited, these trips are always so special because it is amazing, quality time just for us. We spend the time laughing, making precious memories, and just forgetting all the troubles & responsibilities of the real world. I can not wait to write all about our fun times, and adventures.

Travis is now 5 ft 6 in tall and still isn't done growing. He will be starting the 10th grade and is somewhat excited about school. I am always trying to keep my memories of him as my tiny baby boy alive. I sometimes look at him in amazement of how fast time has gone, yet so proud of the funny, loving, compassionate, and smart young man he has become.

Kaden is doing so well and will start 4th grade this year. While he says he doesn't want to go to school he is excited to see his friends, make new ones and he will have his favorite teacher again this year. He had her for 2nd grade, but she had a baby and when she returned they had her teaching 4 & 5 grade so he didn't get her again for 3 rd grade. Finally, he will be in her class again!!

So there you have some numbers about us and what we have been up to. Life is constantly moving and changing, and I am a;ways excited to see where it takes us.
Remember to take a few moments to stop and think about where you are, where you have been, and where you want to be. Savor every moment good or bad, because it is these moments that shape our lives, and help tell our stories. Celebrate & enjoy all the little things... you will be glad you did.

My Thoughts & Opinions...About Family

So I have been thinking about this post for a long time, and was never quiet sure how to present it. It seems to me no matter how I write it or what I write, I am sure to anger some family members in a different state, whom I don't happen to communicate with, or have any interaction with other then them sending me nasty emails or anonymous comments here on the blog.
Now you might be wondering why they do this, and why my relationship is non-existent with them, and I will briefly tell you.
I don't share their same views or beliefs on many subjects. I don't sit back and allow them to tell me what to do, think, act or say. We many be family, but that doesn't mean I have to like you, or follow what you say, just because. I have been called mean, nasty, hateful, a bitch, and told I can leave the family and start my own. I have been accused of hiding behind my words and not taking responsibility for my words. I find this so funny, because I don't know how much more responsibility I can take then to have it all out here for the word to see on a public blog, I use my name, I link to it on my face book page. But, if going after me and calling me names makes a few feel better about themselves and their life, then I am glad to help. I don't get offended or bothered by their comments, I find them funny & feel sorry for them.

Now, on to what I was going to post about.

Family:

I think it is so amazing how when we are children we sometimes don't realize what an amazing family we have. When I was younger, and believed all my mothers lies and desperately wanted her to care about me, I would do anything to make her happy. I refused to see or believe what an amazing woman my step-mom was. She married my dad and instantly became a mom to 2 kids. I would be hurt and upset by my father paying more attention to her & ultimately their kids then my brother & I. I will admit there were things I thought were unfair and wrong, but as an adult I don't fault them. Just like my mother was a crappy mom, my  dad had his faults too. The only difference is even when my dad was drinking himself to an almost early death, he still ate dinner with us as a family every night & I always knew where he was and that he was always there when I needed him.

But the true persons I want to talk about are family via marriage: My step-mom , my sister-in law and my in laws.
These people have all shown me what a family is really like. They have all been there when I needed them and they have all shown me what love in a family means. They never expect anything from you in return. They are there because they want to & they care. They are grateful and gracious for all  you do, and want to be involved, and make an effort to be. They are not demanding of your time, or attention and know when to stay out of your business. I have been blessed to have such amazing people around me during some of the big milestones in my life, and during some rather tough times too.
I have learned how to be a self reliant person, a wife and a mother from these people. I have learned about unconditional love, and I have learned that I am not a bad person for standing up for myself, my husband, my children, and those family members who mean the most to me.

I have family who are true blood relatives that are also very important and special to me as well. They all know who they are and that our bonds will forever be strong. I couldn't be who I am & where I am if not for all of them as well.

Now, I would be lying if I said sometimes the loss of a big close family doesn't make me sad. I also would be lying if I said I could or would throw all my beliefs, feelings, and morals out the door just to be accepted in to the "family".
I can not nor will not change just to fit into something I don't agree with. It may sound mean and cold, but just because we are family, extended or close, doesn't allow you to treat me bad or guarantee me to put up with your crap. I can and have cut toxic people out of my life. I only put up with so much crap & only for so long before I have to save myself from the insanity.

Some wise words I heard when Travis was younger:
"Sorry is Good but Change is Better"

I don't say sorry very often, I won't say it as a way to excuse something I have done that others don't like. I also don't accept or forgive just because you say it. Too often people say it to get out of bad behavior, not because they actually mean it, but because social protocol say to. Many think if you say sorry, you are off the hook, and it excuses you, and allows you to continue with your crappy ways. I don't just forgive and forget because you say sorry.
I don't allow my children to say sorry unless they truly mean it and not just saying it because that is what they think they should say. I also tell them if someone treats you bad, or says something bad to you, having them say sorry to you if they didn't mean it isn't right. They must feel it is heartfelt and sincere.

So there, that is my post and feelings about family. I do have many other things to say about my childhood, life with certain family members, but in thinking it through I have to think it isn't worth it. Those that have hurt me, lied about me, and are no longer apart of my life really don't deserve the attention, and they have never taken responsibility and continue to only remember things and events according to their "selective" memories.

I am at a place in my life where I am happy, actually happier then I have been in a long time. I still have my moments and days where things seem overwhelming, and I do wonder why me, but they are less then the good ones.
I don't have many regrets right now, and the ones I do have are ones where I wished I had spoke my mind or stood up for myself or others sooner.

It Is All About Me This Time

Yep, I am going to be writing all about me this time.  Wait...Don't leave just yet, it won't be that bad.

So yesterday I turned 43. I have to say it didn't bother me one bit. I had a quiet day with the kids, went to a meeting at the city to learn about how the state is going to be screwing up our road with their construction project, Dennis brought me a pretty pink rose & a bottle of apple pie flavored liquor of some sort. ( one of the customers brothers makes it). For dinner we ordered pizza.
Yes we are a really exciting bunch. But to me our birthdays are not that big of a deal, the kids have the big birthdays, not the adults.

So like usual I was rocking Tessa last night and I started thinking about what all I have been through, seen, done, and wished I had done up to this point in my life. I also thought about what things I hope to do, and accomplish in the future.

So far in my life I have been through much heartache, sadness, low selfesteem, and trauma.
But, I have also been through some of my greatest joys, found my inner strength & voice, and have become happier then I thought I would ever be.

I have many people and things in life to thank for making me who I am today. Sometimes there have been people and things that have been in my life that don't deserve any thanks because their actions, or lack of actions, and words were things that crushed me, my spirit, and self esteem. I admit I spent many years thinking I wasn't good enough or worth anything. I purposely avoided uncomfortable situations, many public settings because I felt like everyone around me was judging me.
I always had my brother to defend me in any situation I was being judge or treated unfairly, until about 5 yrs ago he moved to Texas.

I decided that right then and there I needed to grow a backbone and start learning to stop being a door mat, and start standing up for myself, my feelings, my kids and my life.
Sure this sounds all great, but it has been met with some resistance by some. I have heard so many times from a few people what a "bitch" I have become, how they don't know what happened to me because "I use to be so sweet, kind, loving" That I am such a "hateful person & I am so hurtful".

The thing is yes, I am a totally different person today then I was 5 yrs ago, but I am continually building my backbone & using my voice. The thing people don't realize is I am not really a "different" person, I am the same person  they have always known, EXCEPT, I am no longer screaming & crying inside from the hurt and sadness their actions and words were causing. I now voice my thoughts, feelings, ideas. I know I matter, if not to them, I do to me, my kids, and husband.
I am no longer the door mat they would walk all over, criticize, make fun of, use. I am no longer allowing my fear of upsetting, disappointing, or angering others to control my words, thoughts, or actions.

It may sound harsh, but I have started to put my wants, needs, and happiness before others. The only people who trump that are my kids and husband. The happiness in my own home is far more important than anyone else. I can't have happy in my home until I learn to be happy, content, and sure of myself.

So here I am today...43 yrs old, happy, content, and blessed beyond my expectations.  I  have 3 of the most amazing kids, and I also have a step-son who has grown to be a very amazing young man. I have no doubt all 4 kids will do great things in life. I have some incredible friends, and I have family members who love, and embrace us for who we are and not for what we can do for them.

I am excited to see what the next 57 yrs bring!!!

What We Have Been Up To!!

It has been a long time since I have done a blog post, and while I am sure my haters think I have been silenced by their comments or complaints to family about me, I have to say...Sorry not the case.

What has caused my absence is a broken computer. I picked up a virus and sadly almost lost my hard drive. We do have other computers I can use, they aren't mine and time on them is very limited. I just decided to focus on other things but always kept ideas for new blog posts fresh in my mind, and hope to get some of them up soon. Today's post and maybe the next few will have to be without pictures due to not having my computer back to 100% just yet, but when it is fixed I will have many to post.

So, here is what is new in a nutshell:

Travis: He bought a new computer with his own money and we helped with a bit for his birthday. He hasn't been up to too much and hasn't had many chances to practice driving but we hope to remedy that soon. He is getting ready for his Sophomore year of high school and while he doesn't want summer to end just yet he really does enjoy Robotics and his engineering classes.

Kaden: He hasn't been up to a whole lot, just being Kaden. Always busy, always using his imagination and creativity to keep life fun and interesting. He will be starting the 4th grade and is anxiously awaiting to see who his teacher will be. We are wishing real hard that it is his teacher from 2nd grade, he really liked her and she went to 4th &5th grade last year. We will have to see what the school does with staffing this year.

Tessa: She has been busy being a typical toddler which is a huge blessing and a huge pain in my butt. While we are so very happy and realize the blessing it is that she is right on par with her peers, we also forgot what it was like to have a VERY active toddler around too. Tessa has started climbing, and she climbs everything, baby gates, the heat register to see outside, the oven door ( which opens it). She is a huge stinker. She has also learned the art of running if she knows you are going to stop her or if she is off to be naughty somewhere. She had an injury in her mouth last week and almost lost her front tooth. She bit the control thing for her bouncy chair and got her tooth stuck and when she ripped it out it loosened the tooth and tore her gums. Quick trip to ER, meds so she doesn't get an infection and we are all better now.

Me: I haven't been up to much just keeping things running and staying sane. Last week my brother and his family came up from Texas for a visit and while it was short, I was happy to have see them. Never got a chance to visit one on one with them, but they were being tore in every direction by people wanting to see them, I was happy to go to them and get what time they could spare. While up here they went to tour a college my niece is planning on attending next year, and my brother was able to get in a bit of fishing, since that really was what the trip was planned for in the 1st place. But I have to admit it was sad to see them go, but I know I always have the option to go see them too.

So there it is, not too exciting, but it is what it is.
Now off to get another blog post out containing some of the things I have been mulling over in my mind while rocking Tessa, and all the loveliness of life, family, and all the goes with it.