The very sad events that happened last Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary have been always on my mind. I try to hear all the latest news info I can. I think it is because I am trying to wrap my mind around WHY someone would kill those sweet innocent children.
But the past day or so the news has been reporting that the gunman had Aspergers, and even some are reporting that individuals with it have a predisposition to violence or violent outburst.
These reports are not true, mostly.
Yes, some people with Aspergers do have outburst, some I guess could be violent, but to say ALL people are like this is untrue. To say merely having it is a predisposition is untrue.
Travis has Aspergers, and he has Sever Anxiety. We have been working with him for a long time to manage them both. He has had lots of extra help at school and we work everyday at home on it, and yes he does take something to curb his anxiety. He also has been taught and still works daily on ways to control and over come his anxiety.
Do I fear Travis would / could snap?? I think any human being has that ability, but I don't fear it. I also know that he can't wrap his head around how something like this could have happened to those innocent children, how someone could kill them.
This morning Kaden wore a green shirt, and I made him a green & white ribbon to honor the 26 people who died. He too doesn't understand this, yet he feel so sad for the children.
I talked to him, like I always do and tell him that is why they do Lock down drills at school, and that he must always pay attention to what they are saying. I also tell him that every single one of the staff members at school will protect him. I told him if they ever have a real lock down to remember to stay calm no matter how scared he is, to listen to the directions, and stay very quiet.
The strange thing is both boys have had a real lock down at their schools. They were what they call external lock downs. All doors are locked, and no one goes in or out of the buildings until the police say it is clear.
Travis's was in middle school, someone said they saw a guy walking on the sidewalk with a shotgun. Never found the guy. Kaden's was because some guy was at a church a little ways away with a gun, never heard the whole story, but no one was hurt.
This morning as I dropped Kaden off I walked him to the door, gave him a kiss, told him I loved him & to have a great day. He walked in, turned around and blew me kiss like he does everyday. I always pretend to catch it put it to my lips and blow one back, which he pretends to catch and put to his lips. I then turned and walked back to the van, then I cried. I cried because there are 20 parents who will never kiss their children again. I also cried because it brought back a flood of emotions from when Travis was in elementary school, and having to drop him off and not know IF the child who had bullied him from 1st to 5th grade would follow through on his threat to get a gun and kill Travis.
Yep, This child told Travis that he was going to get a gun and kill him. This child hated Travis, yet when all of the bullying started Travis had no clue who this kid was.
Want to know what the school did about it??? NOTHING!!!
Yep, you read that right. Nothing!
The policy is if they are in elementary school they feel they can still reach them and help them. They had to notify the Sheriffs office and the county social services, but the school did nothing. The following day the child was in school and the school could not telling me if the child brought a weapon to school. They never checked his back pack and were not going to.
There was a point during 5th grade that Travis had had enough, he told me he was going to start being mean to this kid, because we always taught him to treat others like he would want to be treated, so he figured that is what this kid wanted.
I warned the school that they needed to stop this kid because Travis had had enough & at that point I didn't know what he would do. Again my words were ignored, and when one day Travis felt a different child had laughed at him, he punched him! And when the boy went to tell the teacher Travis punched him again in front of the teacher.
When I got the call that he had done this, I calmly told the Principal, "I told you this was going to happen, are you surprise? cause I am not."
Needless to say I did punish him for doing it. He lost computer for 1 month. I had to make sure Travis knew this was not to ever happen again. And guess what it hasn't.
As for the other child? I made sure he was in none of Travis's classes for 6th grade. However in 7th he started to say crap to Travis again and I made sure the school was aware this was going to stop now, and about the past bullying and threat. ( they were unaware of it). Needless to say the child was no longer in school a week after my phone call and I believe he is at a different high school.
It is hard to feel 100% comfortable all the time. My heart breaks for those parents. While I was lucky we only had to endure a threat, I still can't shake the fear of what if.
Funny little story, cause we need to lighten it up a bit.
Kaden's school got new janitors this year. They have one during the day and one in the afternoon evening. Now I know they have to pass background checks, and I know you shouldn't judge someone by their looks, but!
The daytime janitor has tattoos covering his entire arm on both sides he is very muscular and looks like he could hold his own in a fight just fine. He doesn't look like your average school janitor, he looks like a stero-typical person from a biker gang. He is very nice and very polite & the kids love him, but it always struck me as odd for an elementary school.
Anyway, today when I was dropping Kaden off, the janitor came outside through a side door to throw some trash away. I looked at him and had a great sense of calm, because for the first time, I realized he was the type of man to stand up and protect the kids if need be. I was glad to have a very intimidating looking janitor at Kaden's school.
While it is hard to not feel bad about what happened last Friday, and I feel somewhat guilty being happy and feeling very blessed this Christmas, I think we also need to know it is OK to carry on with our lives, it is OK to be happy and feel blessed. I know I will say a little prayer everynight for the lives lost, but I will also say a little prayer for the life I have and the blessing I have been given.
